Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Surviving A Breakup... A Simple Strategy That Always Works

It's a universal fact that surviving a breakup is no simple task. And this goes double if you're on the receiving end of it. The pain and shattered self esteem that go hand in hand with this unfortunate event can be so intense as to send even the toughest guys spinning into a frenzy.

And if you take a second to think about it, the reaction is logical: one day she's here, she's yours… the next she's gone. It's a major loss that leaves you with a void that only she can fill.

But why do we go as far as calling it "surviving a breakup"? Has anyone ever died from it? Probably not… but there's still a good reason for bringing such a dramatic word into the equation. Because while it's not an issue of survival in a literal sense and you're not fighting for you life… what you are fighting for is your sanity.

Why?

Because losing a girlfriend to a breakup is similar to losing a family member to death as far as feelings are concerned. But here's one important difference between the two: in the latter situation your family member doesn't choose to leave you – it just happens. But in the former, your loss is directly attributable to choice – her's.

And that's why your sanity is put to the test. Because it's the ultimate form of rejection. And whenever someone gets rejected they want that somebody that much more and will drive themselves crazy while entertaining the possibility of getting them back. It's like a junkie looking for their late night fix and going out of their minds because they can't find it.

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So how do you deal with this? How do you go about getting over a breakup while saving your sanity? It's actually not as difficult as you'd imagine.

And while there's a lot of advice floating around as to how one should proceed in this case, there's only one correct approach as far as I'm concerned: to keep a realistic viewpoint on the situation.

What does this mean?

Simple… You take the relationship for what it truly is (or was for that matter) and you think about it along those lines. Here's an exercise I've used in the past to help me through this and I'm inviting you to follow along right now:
1. Take out a blank sheet of paper and draw a line down the middle
2. Write down the words "Positives" and "Negatives" at the top of each column
3. Now list as many positives and negatives about your relationship with this girl

Just remember to be honest with yourself here. Take the time to reflect on every aspect of your relationship. Remember that nobody's perfect: I'm not, you're not, and neither is she. That's why it's impossible to have had a perfect relationship and there's certain to be plenty of negatives to go with the positives in your list.

But why is this simple exercise so important?

Because what you're ultimately trying to accomplish here is balance the positives with the negatives and bring them to the forefront of your thoughts. It is only when all the facts are staring you in the face that you'll be able to look at your situation from a logical point of view rather than one of desperation.

And the next time the thought crosses your mind (and it will) that this is the only girl for you and there's no other in this world that can match her perfection… refer back to that list you just wrote.

Because whatever your agenda may be (to get over her, to get her back, etc.) this is the first step to achieving your goal, as simple as it may seem. This will force you to think logically and accordingly and that will take you a long way towards surviving a breakup and figuring out your next move.

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