Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Having Trouble Getting Your Ex Back? Try This Instead

Wise people say that the definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over again while expecting different results. So many people, in the aftermath of an unexpected and/or unwanted breakup, find themselves falling into patterns of insanity while trying to get their exes back.

It's quite common.

Your heart is screaming so loud that it drowns out the things your brain is trying to tell you. The one thing your heart knows for sure is that it wants to stop HURTING.

It knows that the breakup is the source of the pain and it wants to fix it. NOW! The thing is, your heart says crazy things, such as: apologize, beg, and bargain. These are the things that will do far more to harm your cause than to see it through.

Instead of repeating all the things that aren't working, let's try a different tactic this time around. Let's go for different results. Here's what you need to do instead.

Agree with Your Ex

Want to stop an argument dead in its tracks? Agree with the arguer. First of all, it's a shocking experience. There have probably been many times in the course of your relationship together that you've continued an argument you'd known you were losing just because you weren't ready to admit defeat. We've all done it.

Stopping the argument is one thing. It's a grudging acceptance, but one your ex can mentally process. However, AGREEING with your ex is a new tactic that will leave your ex reeling.

More importantly, it will leave your ex thinking of you in an intrigued and perplexed way. Your ex thinks he or she already knows what's coming next. Agreeing throws them off balance and reveals that you do, in fact, still have a few tricks up your sleeve.

Stop Trying so Hard

I'm not advocating giving up. I'm not even telling you that you shouldn't try to get your ex back. I'm telling you stop working so HARD. You need to work SMARTER; not harder. The direct approach isn't going to work in the days and short weeks following your breakup. You're going to need to do your best work behind the scenes if you really want to get your ex's attention.

Begin with what you know about your ex. How did you win his or her heart in the first place? What is it about you that your ex has claimed to love the most? Identify that. Understand it and save it for later.

Next you need to identify where the problems started. Was there a specific event, argument, or misunderstanding that began a downward spiral for your relationship? What could you do now that would tip the scales once again in your favor? Now is the time for thinking and not the time for action.

Do you need help coming up with the exact plan of action or working out the timing of putting your plan into motion? More importantly, do you have a plan for what comes next? Once you get your ex back, you need to know what it's going to take to keep your relationship on a more even path in the future. Let me help you with that and so much more.

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